Why do you follow me?

Since being diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome I have had a hard time trying to be ‘normal’. I know I need to accept that I will always be different but when you receive a 4 page report on your diagnoses, it’s a bit like someone pointing out that you constantly pick your nose. I don’t know about you but when someone points out that you do something or act in a certain way, you do your best not to to do it because you have suddenly been made aware of these habits and mannerisms. One part of my diagnoses reads…

“He lacked eye-contact and his spoke with a number of unusual inflections. He had a tendency to include too much detail in his explanations and even when answering questions from me”

Ever since the report, I’ve tried my hardest to make eye contact with people, and to summarise my responses, but it just doesn’t come naturally to me. I know this is because of my condition and I can’t change who I am. But most of the time I just don’t want to come across as weird. It makes me wonder how I come across to people online. I don’t need to make eye contact with people on the internet, and on twitter you can only tweet 140 characters so you need to summerise too. Do I appear normal on twitter?
Twitter can be a strange place, lots of people all talking at once. So many opinions, so many voices. I have always been curious as to why people follow me. I don’t really tweet too often, I am not that funny and I don’t really have anything really interesting to say. I am definitely not part of ‘The Twitter Elite’ as some people call them. My profile says “likes random ramblings” and that’s what I do. I tend to tweet about whatever is on my mind at that moment, good or bad. I would say I am more open on twitter than I am on facebook or even in real life. This can be a bit of a curse at times as I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. My therapist said that most people do their best to hide the darker sides of their personalities or the things that make them vulnerable. I don’t tend to do that because then how will people be able to understand me if they don’t have all information needed.
 Yesterday I posted a question:

“Why do you follow me on Twitter?”

100 people answered my question. It was anonymous so people could be honest. Most people who responded mentioned something about my surveys which I can understand. The survey which started off as my own form of therapy for understanding others has become a major part of my life online, which unfortunately has got a bit in the way of my main twitter account, but I doing my best to balance time between my account and @5urvey. I received a lot of positive feedback. People saying things like…

“I find you interesting, creative, and kind. I like your honesty. You seem open and kind of vulnerable. You rarely (if ever) interact with me but that’s ok. You strike me as needing a cuddle and a pep-talk. You seem to be a good person. Sweet, and loving.”

“Initially because I heard you on the Tell ’em Steve-Dave podcast, but I stay because your funny, post great Instagram pictures and have some similar interests too me.”

“Because you appear to be a nice bloke. You are funny. You certainly don’t deserve all the criticism you get from the twatters. Stay resilient my friend.”

It is always nice to read nice things but I also want to see what else people would write. This would be the chance to see what a lot of people really think of me.

“I follow you because I enjoy your interesting tweets from time to time. However this recent self justifiction bollocks is just needy.”

“At first because you were sweet but the egotism has got ridiculously out if control. See ya.”

I think a lot of these points are valid. I guess I do come across as needy at times, especially at the moment when I am trying to come to terms with my condtion. I don’t think I am being egotisic but I am not the person who wrote that so they must have their reasons too. I think hard part of Asperger’s is trying to understand others.

This response was the one I found the most interesting…

“I’ve noticed that you can be sensitive to certain things, I think it seems to upset you a lot when people unfollow so there’s a little bit of unintended pressure to continue following. Sorry, but you did ask.”

I am indeed a senstive person and so sometimes get upset when people unfollow me on twitter, but it really depends on who that person is. I know that one of the problems I have is to make and maintain friendships, and a lot of people on twitter I consider my friends. I am not too bothered by the number of followers I have. I used to get all excited when I gained new followers and sad when I lost them. I don’t know if it’s down to being on twitter for a while so it has lost a bit of it’s sparkle or since I past my personal goal of a thousand followers, or even down to my condition but I don’t get upset if I lose the odd follower. I only get upset if someone I follow unfollows me, esecially if it is someone I have met, know, and consider a friend. On Twitter I tend to follow people who I can relate too, but I mainly follow people who I can talk and have a conversation with. When someone sends me a tweet and I don’t recognise their picture or name, I normally look to see if follow them and have a look at the photos they have posted. They say pictures speak louder than words and I tend to agree with that. If they haven’t posted any photos then I don’t really have clear understanding of who they are. I am not really interested in food (due to my eating disorder) so pictures of food don’t interest me. The same goes with football or other sporting events as they don’t interest me either. If I see that a person has posted a photo of Star Wars stuff, or their favourite music, comics, sci-fi movies etc then tend to take an interest and follow that person. However I don’t tend to look too much in to what they have tweeted about. I assume we will get on just because we both like ‘geeky’ things. This was also picked up when I was diagnosed too…

“he appeared to choose friends based on the things they owned rather than personal qualities.”

This is not a reference to someones material worth, but if they liked the things that I liked. I have a really hard time relating to people who don’t like the things I like. This part of my condition too. If I don’t follow you on twitter it’s probably because you don’t tick some of these boxes not because I don’t think you are a nice person. I am also sorry if I come across as cold or aloof but it is all part of my condition…

“he can appear to lack empathy and that he is not very good at comforting others or understanding their point of view.”

I try and do my best not upset people but I know that it is impossible to keep everyone happy. It is hard for me to understand others and understand myself so I will always be searching for answers. It is in my nature. I always thought it was due to the scientist in me but now I know it is due to my Asperger’s too. I like order and stucture.

So why do you follow me? Well it’s due all of these things. It is because I am…
‘geeky’, ‘random’, ‘interesting’, ‘cute’, ‘brilliant’, ‘genuine’, ‘nice’, ‘kind’, ‘funny’, ‘lovely’ etc. but also because…

“he is the Morgan freeman of surveys”

and I like that.

Advertisements

My Wedding

It was the perfect day. I can’t really sum it up with words so I will just show you some of the amazing photos that was taken on the day (click on the pic to make it bigger) …

…It was truly the best day of my life.

(68) days

So it’s been over two months since I last wrote on a proper entry on here about life and things. I know I wrote about Richard Rycroft’s Twitter quest but that was really a post about Richard not about me,so it’s time for an update.. Firstly thank you for all your kind words and messages about Dawn. It meant a lot to me. Death is a difficult thing to process and knowing that I will never see her again feels strange, but knowing she was murdered is worse. I don’t think I will ever come to terms with that. Things like that only happen on TV and films, not to a friend, not to Dawn but it has.

You can now imagine a pause here. A pause that lasts about 15 mins. I didn’t want to start writing about Dawn but I have, and now I don’t know how I can write about anything else in this entry without it feeling forced. I need tips from news readers, they seem to be able to move from death to a story of a cat being stuck in a tree with ease. Anyway…

The UK was covered in snow a few weeks before Christmas and work closed for a couple of days. It was so pretty that it was a good excuse to try out all of my iPhone camera apps…





Christmas and New Year was fun. I think I drank my weight in Bailey’s. Tesco had a 2 for £20 deal on and at one point I was buying 2 bottles of Bailey’s a week, so actually my statement about me drinking my weight in Bailey’s should read; ‘I drank my weight in Bailey’s so now I am twice the weight I was’. I have indeed put on weight. One of my Christmas presents was the driving game ‘Gran Turismo 5’ which I am now addicted to so I rarely leave the comfort of the sofa. I have also discovered the ‘B-Spec’ races, which is racing for lazy people. You just have to pick the Car and let the game do all the driving. So you just start the race, go away to eat some cake and then when you return you’ve one the race. Genius! I think more racing games should be like this.
I am on leave this week to celebrate my girlfriends birthday. We went to Brighton and stayed at the Drakes Hotel. I love Brighton so It gave me another chance to try out all of my iPhone camera apps… *cue photos*





As you can tell I love my iPhone camera apps. All the photos you see were taken using  instagram, which I highly recommend if you do own an iPhone. It’s a great way of taking pictures and sharing them. If you do sign up you can find me on there under the username ‘rookin’.

During the past few months I have also been to the cinema to see a few films. Two that stand out are ‘TRON:Legacy’ and ‘The Kings Speech’. One which was very very good and the other which was very very bad (but had amazing effects and soundtrack). I will let you guess which is which.

…and that kinda brings you up to speed. There is a party this weekend and then it’s back to work on Monday.
Fun times. Fun times.

Twit-a-doodle

Today I drew a giraffe for @mixmasterfestus

I was quite impressed with Colin so I tweeted.

“does anyone else want a picture?”

@debsa replied with..

“you are an inspring artist, I love hedgehogs”

So, @debsa got a hedgehog… I called him Barry.

@bexero wanted;

 “a chicken eating something weird? i like abstract concepts.”

I drew a chicken called Amy who liked eating Smurfs.

 

My girlfriend @Spallerina said “surprise me.”

So I drew Eddie the scotty dog we made at Build-A-Bear

@alanjames wanted an elephant…

and @FuryOfElizabeth wanted dinosaurs…

@diaryofaledger wanted a bat named after him…

@Artythings wanted a surprise so I drew him a snail…

and @SisterLedge didn’t know what she wanted…

 “cat um er crazy cat , black cat , um er , bob, hero , marmalade , george !!!!!!!”

So she got a crazy cat… named… well who knows?

Today has been a good day for drawing. 😀